Wednesday, September 11, 2013

The Game of Life: No Cheat Codes Available

> N
You are in the NURSERY.
> look
There is a CRIB here. You hear a PURRING SOUND.
> i
You are carrying a BABY.
> put baby in crib
You cannot put the baby in the crib.
> examine crib
There is a CAT in the crib. It is purring in its sleep.
> remove cat from crib
There is an INDIGNANT CAT on your feet.
> put baby in crib
You are in the NURSERY. There is a CRIB here. There is a BABY in the CRIB. There is an INDIGNANT CAT that gives your ankle an annoyed nibble.

At a ripe old four weeks of age, our daughter is too young for games of any kind.  Peek-a-boo doesn't quite take when you've only barely learned to focus on anything, and as she hasn't yet figured out the whole "hands" thing, toys are still a bit of a non-starter.  (Though we are getting there quickly, on both counts.)

For me, on the other hand, my whole life has become something of a game.  It's an endless one, and the kind that's more perversely difficult than it is entertaining.  It's a series of puzzles, a sequence of boss fights where the rules keep changing every time you think you've mastered a skill.

There are definite elements of Tetris. If I put the support pillow *here* and the blanket *there* and the baby *just like this* then I can hold all the things at once... at least until I have to open the door.

Sometimes it's a racing game (perhaps the Rainbow Road track from Mario Kart). If I find a pacifier, and prop it in *just so*, then I can race to the bathroom and back and beat the clock, returning to scoop her up before she notices she's been left alone and cries.

Mainly, though, I've started thinking of my daily life in terms of the clear meters of The Sims. How hungry am I? How badly do I need to pee? Have I slept in the last three days? Showered this week? She is napping for thirty minutes -- which meters are the most urgent? I'll handle those first.

Guybrush, meanwhile, has decided he is all about the escort missions.

In this time of profound upheaval, I find myself turning to games with clear rules for a touchstone of sanity.  A half-hour a day of Civ V (which is easy to play one-handed, while holding or nursing an infant) keeps me feeling human in the same way that Law and Order marathons (my background noise, of late) find me getting alienated and detached.  It is hard to stay in and of the world while parenting a newborn.  For me, much of my world has been gaming.  And if Alexander the Great is unpredictable (he isn't; the bastard will always backstab during a declaration of friendship, if you have land he wants), he's got nothing on a baby -- a baby who is, at this moment, apparently bound and determined to punch herself in the face as much as possible.

Parenting is not a game, of course.  If it were, there would be cheat codes or hacks available.  I could increase time or decrease the need for sleep, increase money and space or decrease need for food.  Mainly, though, if I could only have one cheat code right now I think I would use "decrease_newborn_gas."  Then she wouldn't wake herself up all the time from farting, and everyone would be a lot happier.  Or at least better-rested, which in the end adds up to the same thing.

If someone could just tweak the collision plane on the crib so the cat can't get in, though, that would help for now.

29 comments:

  1. Alexander the Great is a punk, but he's got nothing on Gandhi, who will shank you at whim for any reason at all.

    The cheat code of choice where I reside is "increase_sleep_length" ... naps long enough for you to get an hour and a half as well are rare and golden.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. life games help me to better understand life, when I have a lot of knowledge, when I play Sonic Forces APK Mod, a good game of criticism.

      Delete
  2. The baby and cat can't both fit in the crib at the same time? :(

    ReplyDelete
  3. Not until the baby is old enough to fight off the cat if he should attempt to get a little too close and smother her.

    ReplyDelete
  4. don't forget about solving the babel fish dispenser trap! ...what?
    P.S. CONGRATULATIONS and stay healthy/safe/happy

    ReplyDelete
  5. Thanks for your post. I’ve been thinking about writing a very comparable post over the last couple of weeks, I’ll probably keep it short and sweet and link to this instead if thats cool. Thanks. how to get free robux

    ReplyDelete
  6. In the years since the original Dungeon Hack was released, other customizable games have come out.Call of Mini Infinity Hack Android

    ReplyDelete
  7. This blog is so valuable. A present for the blog perusers.
    Rogue buddies 2 unblocked

    ReplyDelete
  8. frases Hi, great to see your website. I like the content and the research done behind every aspect of your blog. It looks great and very knowledgeable. Keep it up the good work.

    ReplyDelete
  9. To hit gold in business, you have to think gold. What is your business all about? modafinil reviews 2020

    ReplyDelete
  10. This is something I actually have to try and do a lot of analysis into, thanks for the post facetune full version free download

    ReplyDelete
  11. Some really superb info , Sword lily I found this. instagram likes free

    ReplyDelete
  12. This is really fascinating, You are a very professional blogger. I’ve joined your rss feed and sit up for searching for more of your great post. Also, I have shared your site in my social networks! kinemaster pro

    ReplyDelete
  13. I must admit that your post is really interesting. I have spent a lot of my spare time reading your content. Thank you a lot! cotomovies download

    ReplyDelete
  14. Great job, I was doing a google search and your site came up for homes for sale in Altamonte Springs, FL but anyway, I have enjoyed reading it, keep it up! Dead Target unlimited gold

    ReplyDelete
  15. Great post however , I was wanting to know if you could write a litte more on this subject? I’d be very thankful if you could elaborate a little bit further. Bless you! patreon unlock premium content

    ReplyDelete
  16. Thanks for every other excellent post. The place else may just anyone get that kind of info in such an ideal manner of writing? I’ve a presentation subsequent week, and I am at the look for such information. Tweakbox download

    ReplyDelete
  17. I must admit that your post is really interesting. I have spent a lot of my spare time reading your content. Thank you a lot! youtube++ download

    ReplyDelete
  18. This is a appropriate blog for everyone who is wishes to find out about this topic. You understand a great deal its practically challenging to argue with you (not that I just would want…HaHa). You certainly put a brand new spin on a topic thats been discussed for years. Great stuff, just fantastic! how to get videostar++

    ReplyDelete
  19. Good day! This is kind of off topic but I need some help from an established blog. Is it very difficult to set up your own blog? I’m not very techincal but I can figure things out pretty fast. I’m thinking about setting up my own but I’m not sure where to start. Do you have any tips or suggestions? Appreciate it btd battles mod

    ReplyDelete
  20. Really nice style and design and excellent content , nothing at all else we need : D. mkx souls glitch

    ReplyDelete
  21. As I web-site possessor I believe the content matter here is rattling magnificent , appreciate it for your hard work. You should keep it up forever! Good Luck. putlocker

    ReplyDelete
  22. Look at your efforts and also exactly what it’s always worth. hd movie online

    ReplyDelete
  23. Nice post. I learn something more challenging on distinct blogs everyday. It will always be stimulating to read content off their writers and practice a little something from their store. I’d choose to use some with all the content in my small weblog whether you do not mind. Natually I’ll provide a link on your own internet weblog. Many thanks sharing. Plague Inc. free download

    ReplyDelete
  24. I really appreciate this post. I¡¦ve been looking everywhere for this! Thank goodness I found it on Bing. You've made my day! Thanks again free apple music iphone

    ReplyDelete
  25. It’s a good shame you don’t contain a give money button! I’d definitely give money for this fantastic webpage! That i suppose for the time being i’ll be satisfied bookmarking together with including an individual’s Feed that will my best Msn balance. That i appearance forward that will recent messages and definitely will share the web site utilizing my best Facebook or twitter team: ) YouTube++ ios download

    ReplyDelete
  26. Very educating story, saved your site for hopes to read more! spoofing pokemon

    ReplyDelete