The Gamer behind the Ego

I've mentioned before that I had a really positive experience at PAX East 2011.  I came away fulfilled, and happy, and feeling like collectively, we (gamer culture) are on the right path.  I made some friends.

But what stands out for me in retrospect was that PAX was a girls' weekend for me.  Aside from a few folks I gamed with, and one journalist I met (who's the husband of a friend I made), I was almost entirely in the company of women.  I went to gender-themed panels, I sought out the company of the minority, and I was generally surrounded by affirming, positive examples of what gamer culture can be.

My little box here, and places like the Border House and TNC's joint, are safe spaces.

The world is not a safe space.

I thought I was past being intimidated solely on the basis of my gender.  When I open my mouth about gaming, I'm generally certain I know what I'm talking about, or at least I feel like I can participate in the conversation.  And if I don't, I keep my mouth shut.  Simple.  And in person, I feel like I'm on it.

But on the advice of many, I finally signed up at Bitmob this morning.  I think the site is a worthwhile endeavor, but I'm always nervous dipping my toe into any unknown waters.  And this morning I read some articles and thought about commenting... and on post after post, every name in the comments was clearly and obviously male.

I hide behind my initials because even in the non-anonymous age of the internet (having left my pseudonym behind me on a few sites I don't use much anymore), that "K" affords me shelter.

I'll pull myself together and get over it, soon enough.  All journeys beginning with a single step, and so on.  But it's hard being aware of that other level of judgement.

I miss the truly anonymous age of the Internet, when none of us had photos attached to our profiles or used our real names.  I think it afforded a lot of people who might be marginalized in some way in their 3D lives the space to avoid judgement except for their words and deeds, which is the way we should all get to live.

Meanwhile, I'm KCoxDC there, too, just like everywhere else.  Because that's who I am now, and that's the face for the world to see.

PAX East: Post-Mortem

Holy crap, what a jam-packed weekend.  Welcome, new readers and viewers from Twitter.  This is going to be a very long post, with loads of photos, so I'm availing myself of the seldom-used jump function.  Also, for those who are interested in a more coherent perspective, I recommend Maddy Myers's Boston Phoenix series, particularly her Sunday overview.

Also, as it turns out... this happened, haha.  In truth I am pretty certain that Lesley and Dennis (and others) out-tweeted us, but apparently we're just the best and most consistent users of the #paxeast hashtag. ;)  If you want to get a real feel for what I was thinking as the convention happened, Twitter's the place.

Your Critic Needs a Nap

Hello, internets.  Hello anyone I gave my card to at PAX.  Hello loyal readers.

Your Critic valiantly tried to live-blog from PAX East but the Blogger Droid app decided that "publish" was not going to work as such, ever, from anywhere, so instead I have a really quite busy indeed Twitter stream, and a bunch of photos and even some short video on my phone.

In extremely brief summation, to be expanded upon probably Tuesday (I'll be offline for family matters on Monday): The "Females on Female Characters" panel was not so great.  The "The Other Us" panel was fantastic.  The ladies' brunch and today's diversity-themed panel were great.  I met loads of people and did lots of great things, and had a fantastic time.  The BCEC is leagues better than the Hynes as a space for 65,000 gamers and I believe next year they can make it better still.  (More Sumo chair areas!)

I am deeply satisfied with my experience and also now aware how very challenging the "Beyond the Girl Gamer" series is going to be.  Be good to each other; I'm going to attend this memorial tomorrow and then try to sleep for 3 or 4 days straight.  Because god knows that "sleeping" and "eating" and "water" came in pretty low on this weekend's agenda.

PAX East, here I come!

Your Critic is boarding a flight to Boston at 6:00 this evening, and leaving for the airport at 3:00.

(Actually, Your Critic hopes to be boarding a flight to Boston at 6:00 this evening.  The FAA and NOAA currently indicate this may be unrealistic, and that a midnight arrival time in Boston is not out of the question.)

Here's a fair warning: you can expect a constant stream of nonsense from me via Twitter, possibly even live-tweeting some panels, and you can also expect occasional short-form blog posts, sometimes with accompanying photo or video.  My still-new phone is cool like that.

What you can't expect: for me to reply to comments in any depth.  I can moderate on-the-go thanks to the Disqus app (so feel free to talk amongst yourselves) but I won't be able to have any two-page discussions until I get back, which will effectively be on Tuesday (March 15).

Have fun.  Play good games.  I know I will!

Embiggen the Tent!

Blogger and journalist Shani O. Hilton has started tabletop gaming:

DnD is pretty easy to pick up, and it seems, depending on the person running the game, sympathetic to the newbies. It’s certainly no more complicated to understand than baseball or football. And really, it’s as fun a way to spend a few relaxed hours with friends, pizza, and diet orange soda as I can think of.

I have to admit my own bias here: I've never done the tabletop thing.  I have seen a huge resurgence of interest in it in the last yew years, though.  Friends of mine back in Boston have D&D groups.  Penny Arcade has become as much about miniatures as it has about consoles.  PAX has tabletop rooms, in addition to console, PC, and handheld spaces.

I'll never, ever be a card-collecting game person.  (I had a boyfriend in college who, after teaching me to kick his ass in Heroes III, tried to get me onto Magic.  Not.  Happening.)  I'm scared by math and by miniatures and by having to store items in physical space.

But at parties, I've had a blast with the random board and card games friends have brought by.  (Yes, I throw that kind of party.)  I've been scared off by 20 years' of unwelcoming nerdboy players of D&D... but I feel like the time of communal tabletop gaming is ascendant.

So after playing random pick-up games in the hall with strangers at last year's PAX East, this year I'm feeling emboldened by how much more welcoming the community seems to be getting.  I've decided that one of my goals for PAX is to try a tabletop something, and I've had someone offer to guide me.

Video gaming has gotten more inclusive, and continues to do so.  In this very socially networked world, in-person gaming seems to be doing the same.  I hope I get to play something fun.

Busy Critic

Housekeeping info:

1.) Your Critic and her spouse, as many gamers do, have acquired a cat.  He is, naturally, the best cat in the whole wide world; doubly so as he is named Guybrush.

 Guybrush Ulysses Threepwood Cox, Mighty Pirate Cat.

2.) The PAX East 2011 schedule is out and ready.  I've been putting together my schedule, and if all goes well (i.e. if the lines aren't too long), I'll be at the following (as well as probably some others):

• Friday, 10:30: Jane McGonigal Keynote
• Friday, 3:30: What The Heck Is A Community Manager?
• Friday, 6:30: Game Design is Mind Control
• Saturday, 3:00: Females on Female Characters
• Saturday, 6:30: The "Other" Us: If We're All Gamers, Does Our Gender Matter?
• Sunday, 10:00: Girls' Meetup
• Sunday, 12:00: One of Us

I was pleased to find that in fact there is not a panel on gender issues in gaming; there are three!  As this is Your Critic's beat, I am most pleased and hope to come home with interesting insights.  Also with the live-blogging, and you can follow my Twitter feed.  Which, I am forced to admit, may be more along the lines of "I am by the Nintendo booth where are the rest of you?" than anything entertaining.

3.) Our year-long "Beyond the Girl Gamer" series is starting this week.  In that vein, there is a new site out there which has gotten a lot of attention in the last two days: The Mary Sue.  I'm not sure how I feel about it really, and I suppose it's too early for judgement.  I do think their "why this, why now" statement has a few ideas worth hearing, though:

We know the point at which you would be satisfied is to just be able to geek out with all geeks, of any gender, without feeling like your femininity is front and center for scrutiny.  To not feel like you have to work harder than guys to prove that you’re genuinely into geek culture. We want simple things, like to be able to visit a comic book store without feeling out of place.  To be able to buy a video game without getting the sense that the cashier thinks we’re buying it for someone else.

But mainly we just want to be able to pursue our hobbies with the other people who share them.  We want to play with the boys.

So there are two reasons why there should be more out there devoted specifically to the female geek.

Because even if we want to play with the boys, there is a value to having our own space.

 So there's that.  We'll see.  They seem to have good intentions at least.

4.) We haven't had an Open Thread in a while.  The last one was fun.  So: get to it, if you like!

P.S. The meditation on genre and adventure games is still coming.  It's long, convoluted, and problematic, and Your Critic has been required to do actual paid work at her day job lately.  When it's not 2100 words of ugly, it's coming here.

PAX East vs Dickwolves

There's been a lot of uproar in the past few months about Penny Arcade, the Dickwolves fiasco, and the upcoming PAX East. 

I'm not going to go into the entire history of it all.  If you've managed to remain ignorant, thank your lucky stars.  For those who caught part of it, or who want to know what the hell happened, here is a good timeline linking to nearly all of the relevant players.

Here is my personal stance on the issue:

• The original comic that is at the origin of the whole fiasco is not the most offensive P-A's ever put out.  It's also not the most clever work they've also put out.  Not the hill to die on, for any side or party.
• Everything the P-A team, but most particularly Mike (Gabe), has done since the original criticism of the comic, is a huge problem.  That's where the fiasco came from.

My personal take-away is very in line with what Lesley Kinzel wrote here.  

All that said: this is a thing that happened, and it sucks, and was a mess.  But what do we do going forward?  I agree, and argue, that boycotting is not the answer.  If women aren't visible, then we continue not to matter. 

This is why we need "Women in Gaming" panels at events like PAX East.  I don't know if there's going to be one this year, but I hope there will be and I hope it will be better than last year's.  I know of two rejected proposals on the topic, one of which was ours. 

So in short: I am going to PAX EAST 2011, and here is why:

• I am going to listen to what is said, and what is not said, and to who is and isn't saying it.
• I am going to be looking to see if anyone questions Jerry on his silence, and Mike on his total failure to adhere to Wheaton's Law.
• I'm going to be seeing if anyone's talking about this and, if so, what they're saying.
• I'm going to the girls' brunch meet-up on Sunday, and meeting loads of lovely ladies.
• I am going to be meeting fellow gamers of all kinds, and by my presence, reminding them I exist.
• I am going to be meeting industry folks of all kinds, and by my presence, reminding them I exist.
• I am going to be having fun, deeply immersed in the world of games and gamers, where I feel most at home.

 Also, thanks to my shiny new phone and a well-timed release of the official Blogger App, I will be blogging and Tweeting (@KCoxDC) from the event (March 11 - 13).

What I will not be doing, as mentioned above, is participating in a panel.  It's okay; I never really expected we'd be approved.  But what I will be doing is spending the next year -- from PAX East 2011 to PAX East 2012 -- blogging the Panel That Never Was.  We wrote up a good, robust outline and these are great topics for discussion.  So from March to March, you can use the "BTTG Series" tag over there in the right sidebar to catch up on "Beyond the Girl Gamer."